Before I Sleep, a GAC Nak fic
Aug. 23rd, 2011 09:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dixiehellcatBefore I Sleep (Or, The Slash Virgin’s Cherry Gets Popped)
by DixieHellcat
An homage to Promises by afterlife182.
Rated R for language and adult themes. Length about 2500 words.
As a general rule, I’m not into slash. I’ve found some good ones, but the oft-required suspension of disbelief does not come easy for me, for some reason. Even rarer are slash fics that completely blow me away. Promises was one such fic. It wrung out my emotions so profoundly, that while I was sweeping up the teeny tiny shards of my shattered heart, I heard my brain wailing “NONONONO!!! Make it all better!” And after a few minutes’ thought, that’s exactly what happened.
I’m posting it because I think it turned out pretty good; the title is a tribute to Promises as well, by way of the famous Robert Frost poem that goes 'I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep'.
Afterlife approves btw! Thank you dear. I loved your fic or it wouldn't have inspired me so. <3
Anyway—you MUST read Promises first, or this one will make no sense. So if you haven’t, hit that link up there & go read it. I’ll wait. When you come back, after blowing your noses and wiping your eyes, bring with you one important fact, the last line of the story, the one spoken by Aaron, in bold type…actually the bold type gave me the idea for this bit, because when I read bold type it always sounds in my head like it’s echoing…like words from a dream…
“You promised…”
Aaron shot straight up gasping, his own voice echoing in his ears, tears sliding down his cheeks. Still shaky, he sat on the edge of the bed for a long time, trying to regroup. He’d had nightmares for a long time, of course, and this particular one for a while, but never with this degree of chilling clarity. The signs had been there for months; he’d tried not to see, tried to stay out of Zak and Nick’s business, but this was too much. Maybe it was a psychic dream, though he couldn’t say he’d ever had one; or maybe it was just his subconscious telling him to get off his ass before it was too late.
He was reaching for the phone and dialing before he really realized it. It rang and rang, and he feared the worst, until Zak’s fuzzy voice finally came on the line. “Dude, I’m sorry,” Aaron said guiltily. “I woke you up, didn’t I?”
“Naah, I don’ sleep much.”
“You’re drunk.” This wasn’t going to make things any easier. “Okay, try to stay with me here, dude, just for a minute. You know I don’t meddle in your—“
“Don’ start, Aaron! Yeh, ‘m drunk now. But ‘m never drunk on a lockdown. Never let it get in th’ way of th’ work. So get off my ass!”
Inasmuch as he had any sort of plan at all, Aaron had hoped he could lead the conversation casually around to the subject of Nick, but if Zak hung up on him in liquor-fueled anger, that plan was shot to hell. He’d have to just throw the truth out there and see where it fell. “Did you know Nick’s getting a divorce?” Only silence answered. Did he hang up? Damn him!
“He is?” Zak asked after a long moment.
“Yeah. And you know why? ‘Cause he decided that wasn’t what he was meant for. That wasn’t what he wanted. What he wants is you.”
When Zak spoke again, his voice sounded stronger, as though shocked sober, or at least less drunk. “If that were true, why wouldn’t he have told me?”
“That, I dunno. I just know it’s happening.”
Again, only silence replied, this time for so long that Aaron wondered if Zak had hung up, or dozed off or wandered away. Then he heard a faint noise, and then another: Zak sobbing quietly. “Th-this is a dream, right? My buddy calls me outta th’ blue, an’ hands me what I…No. Can’t be real.”
“Real, bro.”
After yet another long pause, Zak let out a tremulous laugh. “Helluva time to find this out…You know what I’m holdin’ in my hands right now?”
It was a rhetorical question, but the answer left Aaron’s lips before he could think. “A half-empty bottle of whiskey and a blue automatic pistol. Put’em down, Zak!”
There was a crash, a thump and a gasp, and Zak’s next words were as clear as glass. “What the FUCK, Aaron? How—“
“I don’t know!” Aaron yelled. “I dreamed it, okay? In bits and pieces, over the past several days, but it all came together tonight, and what I saw scared the fuck out of me. If you kill yourself, Nick will too, just a few weeks later, and I can’t stand to lose you both.”
“This can’t be real,” Zak repeated, sounding half dazed now.
“Call Nick, then. Let him tell you. He’ll probably clobber me for telling you, but I couldn’t let this go on.”
“Okay…right. Bye.” The phone clicked. Aaron sighed and lay back on his bed. He’d done all he could do. A minute or two later, the phone he still held in his hand rang. With a glance at the ID he flipped it open. “Yes, Zak, I did just call you, yes, I told you Nick wants to be with you. You satisfied?”
“Just checking,” Zak said in a small voice. “Sorry.”
“No prob, bro. Just call him already, and get your shit straight. You two have been keeping me awake for days now. I gotta get some shut eye.”
+++
Zak bent over and carefully set the toppled whiskey bottle upright on his living room floor, then sank back onto the couch. Good thing the top was screwed on, or this place would smell like a distillery. He looked down at the phone in his hand, then at the gun lying on the floor beside the bottle. The phone’s caller ID clearly showed the call from Aaron, and Zak’s own call back to his friend. How could Aaron have known that tonight was the night the pain of losing Nick had become too great to bear, the night Zak had determined to end his life? Zak had no idea, but he had spent too much of his life investigating the paranormal to dismiss anything this uncanny as mere coincidence.
If harming himself would hurt Nick he’d never do it, no matter what that might cost. Somehow it simply had never occurred to Zak that Nick might still feel that strongly, and he still didn’t know whether to dare hope. But Aaron had been right about the gun…Was the divorce really because Nick still had feelings for him, or was Aaron just guessing?
There was only one way to find out. Zak hit speed dial.
“H’lo?” Nick sounded sleepy. Of course he is you dumbass, it’s the middle of the fuckin’ night when all normal mortals are sacked out. The husky drowsy tone stirred up so many memories that Zak found himself unable to speak past the sudden huge lump in his throat. “Hello?” There was a rustle and the voice sounded fainter for a moment. “Zak?” Nick had moved the phone from his ear to look at the ID. “Zak?” It came back loud and clear. “Is that you? Zak?”
“Hey, Nick. Yeah, it’s me.”
“Hey!” Nick sounded—surprised? Pleased? It was hard to tell. “So, um, how you doin’ tonight? What’re you doin’ up this late?”
Zak’s heart had no time for niceties. “I heard you’re getting a divorce.”
A note of irritation crept into Nick’s bright tone. “Aaron told you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I wanted to surprise you. Maybe I was afraid. I pushed you away. Maybe I could see myself going through all this and then finding out too late that you didn’t feel the same anymore. Half the time I’m positive I’m doing the right thing, for me, for her, for Annabelle—she deserves better than a daddy who’s living a lie. And half the time I just don’t know.” Zak listened silently. “Damn, Zak, talk to me. Tell me something to make me sure, one way or the other.”
Zak had only one certainty to offer. “I love you,” he said quietly into the phone, and the night seemed to hold its breath.
A long, almost sobbing sigh from the other end released it at last. “I want to come over. I’ve got to see you.”
“Sure.”
“Right now, Zak.”
“I’m waiting, dude, come on.”
Zak hung up, put the phone down and headed for the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee and drink as much of it as he could hold. He did not intend to be drunk when Nick walked through that door.
+++
Several cups of insanely strong coffee and a quick shower later, Zak paced inside the front door, trying not to look out the window every five seconds, trying to think of what to say. “’Hey, good to see you’—no, we’ve seen each other nearly every day for years. ‘What’s new?’—aw hell, I already know what’s new. Fuck!”
An urgent knock sounded. Zak opened the door, saw Nick standing there, opened his mouth, and absolutely nothing came out. So he just took a step forward and opened his arms.
Nick’s body hit him like a punch to the chest and knocked the air out of him; he gasped Nick’s name over and over as they clung to each other. “I—I don’t know what to say to you,” he confessed, pulling away just far enough to look into the other man’s face and note with a pang the tears standing in the deep brown eyes.
Nick shook his head. “You already said the only thing I needed to hear.” Zak lifted one foot to nudge the door shut, then claimed Nick’s mouth with his. “Dammit, Zak, how could I have been so stupid for so long?” Nick breathed when their lips finally separated. “All I did by running from the truth was hurt everybody involved. No more. I love you, man, and I’m not hiding anymore.”
“Good.” Zak kissed him again, quickly. “C’mon, I need you to help me with something.” He led Nick inside. A line of liquor bottles sat on the counter between kitchen and living room. “I don’t know how the hell many of these there are or where they are. I stashed a lot of them when I was drunk, I know, and I haven’t got a fuckin’ clue where they are. Help me find ‘em. I want to get rid of them and I don’t want to wait. I don’t need ‘em if I’ve got you.”
With a grin that warmed him, Nick immediately agreed and began searching. Zak started carrying the bottles into the bathroom. His original plan had been to dump them down the kitchen sink, but flushing the shit seemed more appropriate, since it had almost sent his whole life down the toilet.
“Um…Zak?”Zak followed Nick’s voice back into the living room. Nick was standing beside the couch with a bottle in his hand, looking down at the floor as though he’d just seen a snake. “What’s this?”
Zak walked over to him and looked down, and his heart sank. “It’s, um, it’s a gun.”
Nick glared. “That’s obvious. What’s it doing here?”
“I bought it for protection, dude.”
“You think you’re pretty good at avoiding questions? Why,” Nick exaggerated each word, “is a gun on your floor, next to a bottle of whiskey, and your phone, and a dent in the couch where you’d clearly been sitting for a while—“ Zak could see the instant the pieces clicked into place, from the way Nick’s face abruptly went slack with shock. “Zak—you didn’t—you couldn’t—how could you think—“ Nick squatted and picked the gun up, holding it at arm’s length. Zak hung his head, suddenly ashamed. “Fuck, Zak, don’t you know I could never forgive you for that? Never!” His hand started to shake. “Is the safety even on—where is the fuckin’ safety—“
“Here, I’ll get it.” Zak moved toward Nick and reached for the pistol.
It went off.
Nick screamed.
So did Zak. They both stared in mute horror at the big black hole, slightly smoking, in Zak’s coffee table. “I think I just peed myself,” Nick gulped.
“Me too,” Zak agreed.
“Get rid of that thing.”
“Yeah.” Zak ran to his bedroom for the case, carefully put the safety on and locked the gun inside. He managed to carry it to the kitchen and put it down beside the garbage can, till he could put it on ebay or otherwise dispose of it, before his legs gave way. From out of nowhere, Nick was there; his arms went around Zak from behind and kept him from falling. “Oh, shit,” Zak moaned. “Shit, shit, shit...that was almost my head, Nick, that was almost my fuckin’ head…ohhh God…” Nick turned him by the shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug. “All the suicides we’ve investigated, you’d think I would have thought for one damn minute—I could’ve been trapped here as a ghost for eternity, no peace, no rest—“ Zak started to shudder violently, as the realization of how very close he had come to damning himself hammered home, and Nick’s hold tightened. “How can one person be so fuckin’ stupid?”
“Not that stupid. You didn’t do it.”
“I almost did.” Zak buried his face in Nick’s neck, the tremors easing as Nick rubbed his shoulders with firm strokes that felt so wonderfully familiar. “I seriously almost did. I was going to. Thank God for Aaron. If he hadn’t seen…“
“What?” Nick backed up a step, not far enough to break their embrace, just far enough to make Zak look at him. “If Aaron hadn’t seen what?”
Zak swallowed hard. “Me and my big mouth,” he said, and then described Aaron’s call. “Bits and pieces, he said, but they came together tonight. Apparently, he dreamed I committed suicide, and then, several weeks later…you did too.” He waited, half hoping Nick would laugh and say Well, that’s ridiculous, I’d never kill myself over a guy.
Instead, Nick sat back against the kitchen counter, breaking their contact, as though thinking the whole thing over. “Yeah,” he finally said. “I…could see me doing that, maybe. Especially if I’d gone to all this trouble to get divorced, and then you went and did that…yeah.”
On top of everything else, now this, knowing he had been poised to damn not only himself but the person he loved most, was more than Zak could stand. He swayed on his feet and reached out for something to keep from collapsing. Instantly Nick was drawing him in again. “Shh,” he soothed Zak. “It didn’t happen. It’s okay. I’m right here.” He kissed Zak’s neck tenderly. “And for your information, I like your big mouth. It’s good for all kinds of fun things.” That broke through Zak’s emotional turmoil and made him laugh. “So, you think we got a psychic on our hands with Aaron?”
Zak shrugged. “We’re all kind of in tune with each other, maybe it’s just that. I don’t know. What I do know is Aaron’s gonna kill me for telling you.”
“I’ll protect you.”
“Who’s gonna protect you? He’s bigger than both of us.” Laughing like this, in Nick’s arms, felt so damn right. “Come on. I’ve eliminated one threat to myself; help me dump the other one.”
Zak had huddled on the floor and hugged the toilet in his master bath more times than he could count in the past five years, puking up one binge after another. Now he knelt almost reverently before it. He expected Nick to stand and watch, but to his surprise and pleasure Nick knelt beside him, and together they poured every drop of liquor in the house into the bowl. When the bottles were empty, Nick eyed the brownish mess. “Dude, looks like some nasty diarrhea in there.”
“Lovely thought.” Zak flushed it. “You truly are the light of my life.”
Nick snickered, then looked sideways at him. “Am I?”
“Absolutely.”
They sat there and kissed for a long while. “Let’s go to bed,” Nick finally suggested. “It’s three AM. I’m beat, and this tile is damn cold on my ass.”
“Bitch, bitch, bitch.” Zak stood up and gave Nick a hand.
“Think we should call Aaron?”
“Nah.” Zak laced his fingers through Nick’s and headed for the bedroom. “Let him sleep. To hear him tell it, we’ve kept him awake too many nights lately as it is.”
by DixieHellcat
An homage to Promises by afterlife182.
Rated R for language and adult themes. Length about 2500 words.
As a general rule, I’m not into slash. I’ve found some good ones, but the oft-required suspension of disbelief does not come easy for me, for some reason. Even rarer are slash fics that completely blow me away. Promises was one such fic. It wrung out my emotions so profoundly, that while I was sweeping up the teeny tiny shards of my shattered heart, I heard my brain wailing “NONONONO!!! Make it all better!” And after a few minutes’ thought, that’s exactly what happened.
I’m posting it because I think it turned out pretty good; the title is a tribute to Promises as well, by way of the famous Robert Frost poem that goes 'I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep'.
Afterlife approves btw! Thank you dear. I loved your fic or it wouldn't have inspired me so. <3
Anyway—you MUST read Promises first, or this one will make no sense. So if you haven’t, hit that link up there & go read it. I’ll wait. When you come back, after blowing your noses and wiping your eyes, bring with you one important fact, the last line of the story, the one spoken by Aaron, in bold type…actually the bold type gave me the idea for this bit, because when I read bold type it always sounds in my head like it’s echoing…like words from a dream…
“You promised…”
Aaron shot straight up gasping, his own voice echoing in his ears, tears sliding down his cheeks. Still shaky, he sat on the edge of the bed for a long time, trying to regroup. He’d had nightmares for a long time, of course, and this particular one for a while, but never with this degree of chilling clarity. The signs had been there for months; he’d tried not to see, tried to stay out of Zak and Nick’s business, but this was too much. Maybe it was a psychic dream, though he couldn’t say he’d ever had one; or maybe it was just his subconscious telling him to get off his ass before it was too late.
He was reaching for the phone and dialing before he really realized it. It rang and rang, and he feared the worst, until Zak’s fuzzy voice finally came on the line. “Dude, I’m sorry,” Aaron said guiltily. “I woke you up, didn’t I?”
“Naah, I don’ sleep much.”
“You’re drunk.” This wasn’t going to make things any easier. “Okay, try to stay with me here, dude, just for a minute. You know I don’t meddle in your—“
“Don’ start, Aaron! Yeh, ‘m drunk now. But ‘m never drunk on a lockdown. Never let it get in th’ way of th’ work. So get off my ass!”
Inasmuch as he had any sort of plan at all, Aaron had hoped he could lead the conversation casually around to the subject of Nick, but if Zak hung up on him in liquor-fueled anger, that plan was shot to hell. He’d have to just throw the truth out there and see where it fell. “Did you know Nick’s getting a divorce?” Only silence answered. Did he hang up? Damn him!
“He is?” Zak asked after a long moment.
“Yeah. And you know why? ‘Cause he decided that wasn’t what he was meant for. That wasn’t what he wanted. What he wants is you.”
When Zak spoke again, his voice sounded stronger, as though shocked sober, or at least less drunk. “If that were true, why wouldn’t he have told me?”
“That, I dunno. I just know it’s happening.”
Again, only silence replied, this time for so long that Aaron wondered if Zak had hung up, or dozed off or wandered away. Then he heard a faint noise, and then another: Zak sobbing quietly. “Th-this is a dream, right? My buddy calls me outta th’ blue, an’ hands me what I…No. Can’t be real.”
“Real, bro.”
After yet another long pause, Zak let out a tremulous laugh. “Helluva time to find this out…You know what I’m holdin’ in my hands right now?”
It was a rhetorical question, but the answer left Aaron’s lips before he could think. “A half-empty bottle of whiskey and a blue automatic pistol. Put’em down, Zak!”
There was a crash, a thump and a gasp, and Zak’s next words were as clear as glass. “What the FUCK, Aaron? How—“
“I don’t know!” Aaron yelled. “I dreamed it, okay? In bits and pieces, over the past several days, but it all came together tonight, and what I saw scared the fuck out of me. If you kill yourself, Nick will too, just a few weeks later, and I can’t stand to lose you both.”
“This can’t be real,” Zak repeated, sounding half dazed now.
“Call Nick, then. Let him tell you. He’ll probably clobber me for telling you, but I couldn’t let this go on.”
“Okay…right. Bye.” The phone clicked. Aaron sighed and lay back on his bed. He’d done all he could do. A minute or two later, the phone he still held in his hand rang. With a glance at the ID he flipped it open. “Yes, Zak, I did just call you, yes, I told you Nick wants to be with you. You satisfied?”
“Just checking,” Zak said in a small voice. “Sorry.”
“No prob, bro. Just call him already, and get your shit straight. You two have been keeping me awake for days now. I gotta get some shut eye.”
+++
Zak bent over and carefully set the toppled whiskey bottle upright on his living room floor, then sank back onto the couch. Good thing the top was screwed on, or this place would smell like a distillery. He looked down at the phone in his hand, then at the gun lying on the floor beside the bottle. The phone’s caller ID clearly showed the call from Aaron, and Zak’s own call back to his friend. How could Aaron have known that tonight was the night the pain of losing Nick had become too great to bear, the night Zak had determined to end his life? Zak had no idea, but he had spent too much of his life investigating the paranormal to dismiss anything this uncanny as mere coincidence.
If harming himself would hurt Nick he’d never do it, no matter what that might cost. Somehow it simply had never occurred to Zak that Nick might still feel that strongly, and he still didn’t know whether to dare hope. But Aaron had been right about the gun…Was the divorce really because Nick still had feelings for him, or was Aaron just guessing?
There was only one way to find out. Zak hit speed dial.
“H’lo?” Nick sounded sleepy. Of course he is you dumbass, it’s the middle of the fuckin’ night when all normal mortals are sacked out. The husky drowsy tone stirred up so many memories that Zak found himself unable to speak past the sudden huge lump in his throat. “Hello?” There was a rustle and the voice sounded fainter for a moment. “Zak?” Nick had moved the phone from his ear to look at the ID. “Zak?” It came back loud and clear. “Is that you? Zak?”
“Hey, Nick. Yeah, it’s me.”
“Hey!” Nick sounded—surprised? Pleased? It was hard to tell. “So, um, how you doin’ tonight? What’re you doin’ up this late?”
Zak’s heart had no time for niceties. “I heard you’re getting a divorce.”
A note of irritation crept into Nick’s bright tone. “Aaron told you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I wanted to surprise you. Maybe I was afraid. I pushed you away. Maybe I could see myself going through all this and then finding out too late that you didn’t feel the same anymore. Half the time I’m positive I’m doing the right thing, for me, for her, for Annabelle—she deserves better than a daddy who’s living a lie. And half the time I just don’t know.” Zak listened silently. “Damn, Zak, talk to me. Tell me something to make me sure, one way or the other.”
Zak had only one certainty to offer. “I love you,” he said quietly into the phone, and the night seemed to hold its breath.
A long, almost sobbing sigh from the other end released it at last. “I want to come over. I’ve got to see you.”
“Sure.”
“Right now, Zak.”
“I’m waiting, dude, come on.”
Zak hung up, put the phone down and headed for the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee and drink as much of it as he could hold. He did not intend to be drunk when Nick walked through that door.
+++
Several cups of insanely strong coffee and a quick shower later, Zak paced inside the front door, trying not to look out the window every five seconds, trying to think of what to say. “’Hey, good to see you’—no, we’ve seen each other nearly every day for years. ‘What’s new?’—aw hell, I already know what’s new. Fuck!”
An urgent knock sounded. Zak opened the door, saw Nick standing there, opened his mouth, and absolutely nothing came out. So he just took a step forward and opened his arms.
Nick’s body hit him like a punch to the chest and knocked the air out of him; he gasped Nick’s name over and over as they clung to each other. “I—I don’t know what to say to you,” he confessed, pulling away just far enough to look into the other man’s face and note with a pang the tears standing in the deep brown eyes.
Nick shook his head. “You already said the only thing I needed to hear.” Zak lifted one foot to nudge the door shut, then claimed Nick’s mouth with his. “Dammit, Zak, how could I have been so stupid for so long?” Nick breathed when their lips finally separated. “All I did by running from the truth was hurt everybody involved. No more. I love you, man, and I’m not hiding anymore.”
“Good.” Zak kissed him again, quickly. “C’mon, I need you to help me with something.” He led Nick inside. A line of liquor bottles sat on the counter between kitchen and living room. “I don’t know how the hell many of these there are or where they are. I stashed a lot of them when I was drunk, I know, and I haven’t got a fuckin’ clue where they are. Help me find ‘em. I want to get rid of them and I don’t want to wait. I don’t need ‘em if I’ve got you.”
With a grin that warmed him, Nick immediately agreed and began searching. Zak started carrying the bottles into the bathroom. His original plan had been to dump them down the kitchen sink, but flushing the shit seemed more appropriate, since it had almost sent his whole life down the toilet.
“Um…Zak?”Zak followed Nick’s voice back into the living room. Nick was standing beside the couch with a bottle in his hand, looking down at the floor as though he’d just seen a snake. “What’s this?”
Zak walked over to him and looked down, and his heart sank. “It’s, um, it’s a gun.”
Nick glared. “That’s obvious. What’s it doing here?”
“I bought it for protection, dude.”
“You think you’re pretty good at avoiding questions? Why,” Nick exaggerated each word, “is a gun on your floor, next to a bottle of whiskey, and your phone, and a dent in the couch where you’d clearly been sitting for a while—“ Zak could see the instant the pieces clicked into place, from the way Nick’s face abruptly went slack with shock. “Zak—you didn’t—you couldn’t—how could you think—“ Nick squatted and picked the gun up, holding it at arm’s length. Zak hung his head, suddenly ashamed. “Fuck, Zak, don’t you know I could never forgive you for that? Never!” His hand started to shake. “Is the safety even on—where is the fuckin’ safety—“
“Here, I’ll get it.” Zak moved toward Nick and reached for the pistol.
It went off.
Nick screamed.
So did Zak. They both stared in mute horror at the big black hole, slightly smoking, in Zak’s coffee table. “I think I just peed myself,” Nick gulped.
“Me too,” Zak agreed.
“Get rid of that thing.”
“Yeah.” Zak ran to his bedroom for the case, carefully put the safety on and locked the gun inside. He managed to carry it to the kitchen and put it down beside the garbage can, till he could put it on ebay or otherwise dispose of it, before his legs gave way. From out of nowhere, Nick was there; his arms went around Zak from behind and kept him from falling. “Oh, shit,” Zak moaned. “Shit, shit, shit...that was almost my head, Nick, that was almost my fuckin’ head…ohhh God…” Nick turned him by the shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug. “All the suicides we’ve investigated, you’d think I would have thought for one damn minute—I could’ve been trapped here as a ghost for eternity, no peace, no rest—“ Zak started to shudder violently, as the realization of how very close he had come to damning himself hammered home, and Nick’s hold tightened. “How can one person be so fuckin’ stupid?”
“Not that stupid. You didn’t do it.”
“I almost did.” Zak buried his face in Nick’s neck, the tremors easing as Nick rubbed his shoulders with firm strokes that felt so wonderfully familiar. “I seriously almost did. I was going to. Thank God for Aaron. If he hadn’t seen…“
“What?” Nick backed up a step, not far enough to break their embrace, just far enough to make Zak look at him. “If Aaron hadn’t seen what?”
Zak swallowed hard. “Me and my big mouth,” he said, and then described Aaron’s call. “Bits and pieces, he said, but they came together tonight. Apparently, he dreamed I committed suicide, and then, several weeks later…you did too.” He waited, half hoping Nick would laugh and say Well, that’s ridiculous, I’d never kill myself over a guy.
Instead, Nick sat back against the kitchen counter, breaking their contact, as though thinking the whole thing over. “Yeah,” he finally said. “I…could see me doing that, maybe. Especially if I’d gone to all this trouble to get divorced, and then you went and did that…yeah.”
On top of everything else, now this, knowing he had been poised to damn not only himself but the person he loved most, was more than Zak could stand. He swayed on his feet and reached out for something to keep from collapsing. Instantly Nick was drawing him in again. “Shh,” he soothed Zak. “It didn’t happen. It’s okay. I’m right here.” He kissed Zak’s neck tenderly. “And for your information, I like your big mouth. It’s good for all kinds of fun things.” That broke through Zak’s emotional turmoil and made him laugh. “So, you think we got a psychic on our hands with Aaron?”
Zak shrugged. “We’re all kind of in tune with each other, maybe it’s just that. I don’t know. What I do know is Aaron’s gonna kill me for telling you.”
“I’ll protect you.”
“Who’s gonna protect you? He’s bigger than both of us.” Laughing like this, in Nick’s arms, felt so damn right. “Come on. I’ve eliminated one threat to myself; help me dump the other one.”
Zak had huddled on the floor and hugged the toilet in his master bath more times than he could count in the past five years, puking up one binge after another. Now he knelt almost reverently before it. He expected Nick to stand and watch, but to his surprise and pleasure Nick knelt beside him, and together they poured every drop of liquor in the house into the bowl. When the bottles were empty, Nick eyed the brownish mess. “Dude, looks like some nasty diarrhea in there.”
“Lovely thought.” Zak flushed it. “You truly are the light of my life.”
Nick snickered, then looked sideways at him. “Am I?”
“Absolutely.”
They sat there and kissed for a long while. “Let’s go to bed,” Nick finally suggested. “It’s three AM. I’m beat, and this tile is damn cold on my ass.”
“Bitch, bitch, bitch.” Zak stood up and gave Nick a hand.
“Think we should call Aaron?”
“Nah.” Zak laced his fingers through Nick’s and headed for the bedroom. “Let him sleep. To hear him tell it, we’ve kept him awake too many nights lately as it is.”
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no subject
Date: 2011-08-25 03:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-26 02:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-28 04:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-28 06:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-30 04:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-30 05:07 am (UTC)Staying in character and true to a specific person) is far more improtant to me in any fic I write than any concept of a 'type'.
Not sure I'd ever try another slash, but you never know. Violet and snazelle keep trying to drag me over to the dark side with them. Offering me cookies, and such. hehe